I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
