Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
