As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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