i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
