last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
