I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
