apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
