My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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