I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
