You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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