Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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