I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
