How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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