apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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