She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
