my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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