we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
