I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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