You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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