Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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