I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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