Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
