Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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