There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
