idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
