normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
