i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
