could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
