So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
