i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
