she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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