he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
