Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
