remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
