We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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