Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
