Someone shit on the floor
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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