I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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