I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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