u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
