Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
