Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
