Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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