we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
