who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
