Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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