your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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