If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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