I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
