Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
