Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
