He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
