Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
