Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
